Tuesday, May 27, 2008

History of Mustache May


It was a beautiful evening in Moab in the spring of 2001. I was sitting on the front porch of my new home for the summer, a dreamy double wide trailer. I had just started training for my new job as a river guide and was having the time of my life. My new companions and I were lamenting over the fact that we were required to stay clean shaven all summer as part of our job description. Then one of the veteran guides mentioned that there was a loop hole, we were allowed to grow mustaches. We all laughed at the thought and then things got quiet and we all just looked up at the stars for a minute. It appeared as though the conversation had ended, but we were all thinking the exact same thing. I can’t remember who piped up first, but we were quickly decided, we were going to grow mustaches and we would declare the month Mustache May!

We were instantly heroes; at least that’s how I like to remember it. There was some resistance here and there, but people seemed to rally around it pretty quickly, except for our boss, which made it that much sweeter. I recall many glorious nights that spring, sitting around the campfire, chatting with visitors from all over the world about the joys of having a mustache. But the true test came when I headed home for the weekend to see friends and family, it was the first time I would be alone with the stache. After a solid 10 minutes of abuse and laughter from my friends, just like before, things got quiet. Then Hady shyly asked, “So do you have to be a river guide to do Mustache May?” And just like that, the true spirit of Mustache May was born. I figure about 20 guys had mustaches by the end of the May 2001. The next year we were all ready to go, most guys grew beards to get a head start on the month. Then Hady and Chad moved to Southern California and started reporting that their whole office was on board. Another friend from D.C. said his office was in as well. Paul Newton was in flight school in 2003 and called me and told me he was holding a picture of him and 30 of his classmates all rockin the stache. There is something about growing a mustache, not only is it stylish and fun, it’s also extremely contagious. My Dad even joined the ranks one year, despite the pleadings of my sweet mother, “Steve, don’t encourage him!” Some guys struggle at first, but once they actually do it, they never go back. It took two years to convince Jared Hansen and now look at him, he is well on his way to win the Mustache May Spirit Award of the year. I got a phone call from a Blake Burdette a few weeks ago, a 6 year veteran of Mustache May and he told me of some high school kids he ran into with mustaches. When he asked them what they were growing mustaches for they snapped back at him, “It’s mustache may, duh!” His comment to me and the rest of the crew was, “Mustache May is bigger than us now.” I would guess conservatively that there are a couple of hundred guys all over the world rockin the mustache this May. The third year one of the original members and I sat down and wrote down the official rules of Mustache May. Mustache May means something a little different to every guy who participates, but it’s really pretty simple. The idea is to wear the stache and wear it proud. On that quiet night in Moab we were just a couple of young bucks trying to have some fun and make the world a better place one mustache at a time. We never set out to change the world, it just sort of happened that way.

Official Rules of Mustache May:

1- The grandeur of the mustache must be worshipped in truth and singularity. Therefore, no mustache can be accompanied by any other form of facial hair. In other words, don’t hide behind the beard.

2. May 1st = Mustache.

3- No complaining due to lack of action. It ruins the spirit of the stache. We are all in this together and nobody said it would be easy. Be creative with it, like "Ladies, it tickles when we kiss. Wanna try?"

4- Handlebars are discouraged. Acceptable only if you really have a Harley Davidson, or you really can kick anybody’s trash, just like Hulk Hogan or Paul Senior, from American Choppers.

5- Be proud of your stache. Don’t avoid public or mingling with the opposite sex because you are ashamed of your facial hair. The hairy upper lip is empowering!

6- It's not what's on the upper lip, it's what's in your heart. Don’t shirk participation because you think your stache is weak or pathetic. Not everybody can grow a stache like Tom Selleck. Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team.

7- Hook up your fellow Mustache May participants. If you wait tables, free drinks would be an appropriate gesture.

8-Encourage others to grow the stache. It’s liberating, spread the love.

5 comments:

Chad said...

It's an honor and a privilege to even have my name mentioned in the "History of Mustache May." By the way, I almost bought myself a 'Stache Comb the other day... that would've been cool.

Marni Timmerman said...

I am nominating this the "blog of the year" I loved it!!!

ali said...

oh crap. this is freakin' hilarious.

had I known the rich heritage behind the tradition, I would have had troy hop on board a long time ago!

thanks uncovering the mystique behind mustache may. no longer will we mock chad and hady.

the New Mom said...

What the? You have a blog? How happy am I? How are you tiger? I hope that life is great! Love ya!

PS...you make me laugh HARD! Thanks for you!

CJ's Rant said...

Hey cousin, great post on Moustache May, funny stuff. Can't get on board though, Ive been rockin the goatee for so long that if I shave it off nobody knows me.